I am a guilty mother, there’s absolutely no doubt about it.
Like most mothers, I am in a constant battle with myself. Guilty that I’m not spending enough time with my child, guilty that I’m not putting enough effort into my work, guilty that I’m not putting enough effort into my coursework and work experience, guilty that I’m not doing enough housework, the list is endless.
Countless litres of Lucozade and coffee sustain my ability to juggle a 20 hour a week part time job (including overtime), a full time honours degree, a deputy editor position here at The EDIT, weekly articles for The Banter Magazine and My Student Style, raising a 3-year-old child, daily mountains of washing, ironing, dishes, early mornings to nursery and parents meetings, play dates, late nights in pubs with my friends, remembering to put petrol in my car before it conks out… every single week.
I play the role of both mother and father to my daughter and I’m cool with that.
A few weeks ago a judge supported the ruling that the ex-wife of a millionaire should go back to work part time as well as raising their children in order to contribute to the finances. This has caused uproar and I’m struggling to see why.
I understand that most women are in a different situation than I am, I get that. But I would never get into the position where I rely on a man to fund the lifestyle of myself and my children. I was on my own with my daughter from day one, it took me a while to realise that but I was, and I learned to adapt. I learned how to work and raise my daughter at the same time.
I do feel guilty that Lily misses out on my time, I do. But Lily loves going to nursery and spending time with my family and friends while I’m not there. I always make sure that I am there in the morning, at night and able to spend one full day with her a week. I remind myself that not only will my work provide a better future for the both of us, it also keeps a roof over our heads, food in our mouths, a car for me to drive and it provides everything else about our lifestyle. And I don’t need a penny from my ex to provide that for us. I don’t want it either.
In the words of my fellow student journalist Phoebe Inglis-Holmes: Emily Davidson did not throw herself under a horse so that we can still ask that men do everything for us. She did that so that we could get a job for herself.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that fathers should be there for their children as much as mothers. Be there for them, not pay for them.
When I woke up on Mother’s Day yesterday morning in my own flat, in my own bed, about to start my six hour shift on a higher than the average salary, I couldn’t have been happier when Lily ran into my room passing off a plastic lime and steak as ‘breakfast in bed’. Would I have had it any other way? No. I didn’t get a fancy present from her father, and I don’t want one either. Lily is gift enough, as was that plastic breakfast in bed.
Featured photo credit: Roberto Fontana on Flickr.
