This article contains content that some readers may find upsetting or triggering regarding eating disorders. Please read with caution.
Following Alexandra Magi, or Alexandramfit as she is better known on Instagram, is like letting a ray of sunshine into your life. Getting to know her is like being blinded by a bright, warm star.
The laptop screen was lit up with a smile as fellow fitness fanatic and recovered binge eater, Alexandra, began talking on zoom. Her inspiring story is shared with 16k Instagram followers, and growing, who look up to her and are reminded recovery is possible, even when they think it is not.
Her own struggles with an eating disorder began when the rest of the world was struggling, at the start of the pandemic. She had been on an extremely low-calorie diet for over three months due to lack of knowledge about sustainable fat loss.
“I got caught up in diet culture and didn’t do as much research into nutrition and training and honestly just believed all the silly diets for fat loss,” she says.
When you body is so restricted and malnourished for a long period it goes into survival mode. If you haven’t experienced binge eating it can be hard to understand. You lose all control and have an out of body experience around food, this is what happened to Alexandra.
She added, “I had my first binge on a night out with friends. I wanted to eat everything in sight and felt extreme guilt. This was the start of my 10-month binge-restrict cycle.”
She went on to describe this time in her life, saying she wouldn’t wish binge eating disorder (BED) on her worst enemy. How it was ten months of feeling like a failure, not understanding why this was happening to her and not understanding why she felt extreme hunger and constant food thoughts. “I cried myself to sleep, only to wake up with the same thoughts of ‘when will the binge happen today?’ I was almost sensing it already coming daily and didn’t think I had a way out,” she added.
This hopeless, confused and isolated feeling is something all people with BED suffer with. Crying on the bathroom floor wanting it to end, bingeing food in secret so family and friends don’t find out and thinking there is no possible way out of it.
Alexandra took the first step of recovery two months into her struggles, she opened up to her mum and her boyfriend which can often be the hardest part of an eating disorder, admitting you need help.
“I went through psychologists, therapists and psychiatrics in ten months but nothing helped and my bingeing only got worse to the point of me not attending school anymore and it started to affect every part of my life,” she added.
Her full recovery started in April 2021 when she reached out to an online coach and things really started to change for her.
During Eating Disorder Awareness Week at the start of March this year there was a massive call for GPs to receive more training, as currently they receive two hours, if even that. Alexandra’s kind personality makes it hard for her to criticise anyone as she went on to say, “I am not trying to shame or bring down any doctors because I am sure there are amazing therapists out there, I just didn’t have the best experience.”
Although, she may be too sweet to say it, many other BED sufferers will vocally tell you how negative their experience with doctors was when they reached out for help. The disorder is less known than its counterparts, anorexia and bulimia, and therefore is not treated as seriously despite its equating for 22% of all eating disorders sufferers.
Alexandra believes the disorder is not fully understood as a lot of people confuse binge eating with overeating. “I still got a lot of ‘well just don’t open the fridge’ comments,” she says. It upsets her that the word ‘bingeing’ is so casually thrown around without people not knowing the true meaning. She added, “I still find myself overly explaining it to my grandma and she is still not getting what I actually went through.”
Her Instagram account has grown rapidly in the past year as she openly and honestly talks about what she went through and delivers fitness and recovery tips. She uses her account to heal herself and to heal others. “I think it has helped me be more open and it has helped me feel like maybe I can actually help someone feel like they aren’t alone in this. I love talking to people in my DM’s and helping as much as I can,” she says happily. Starting her account, she came to realise just how many people across the world were struggling with the same eating disorder and also needed someone to talk to. “I am so glad that I have a platform today, where I can give advice or just be there for people who are experiencing bingeing or are stuck in a restrictive diet,” she added.
It is hard to stop people going through the same experience she did, but Alexandra is confident that people sharing their journeys will aid in preventing many cases. She was a large part of my own recovery and the advice she continues to give me; I can now give to any friends if I see them struggling. She is creating a pyramid of healing that is passed down to each individual she is helping who can then educate others.
Recovering from an eating disorder is like taking a breath of fresh air again. Helping people recover is using that air to breathe life back into the lungs of others.
If you believe you are struggling with any of the things discussed in this article, click here for helpline support and more information.
